If you’re amongst the rest of us left suddenly wondering how on earth it’s already September, you’re absolutely not alone. The coming of spring, warmer nights and a direct line on to Christmas - it’s a big one. What September brings too is a push to lean into hard conversations, ask that question if it’s there and to reach out instead of keeping it in. September 12th marks R U OK?DAY and as a psychiatrist who talks to people about their mental health on a daily basis (sunnier days aside) this marks September as a hugely important one for the calendar.
Talking about tough topics and checking in around mental health can be hard - thankfully though, there are some clear fire ways to make it just that little bit easier and these are my take homes and top tips to do just that.
Sideline The Pressure
It can feel like there’s a lot of pressure when it comes to discussions around mental health - what to say, how to ask, how not to offend… the list goes on. Whilst that’s of course understandable, it’s actually this very pressure and fear that can hold us back from asking. It’s really important to remember there’s no one way to ask about mental health or check in around it with someone we’re worried about - ask however feels best and lead in with care and concern as the reason we’re checking in.
Choose The Right Time
Another factor can be place and time when it comes to checking in and asking around mental health or our worries. Research shows people are more likely to open up and engage when they feel comfortable in a quiet, private, space and I always encourage people to make sure time isn’t a pressure or factor when we choose to bring things up. Make sure neither party feels there’s a pressure to rush or push. Interestedly, research shows that asking and talking while we’re ‘doing’ can really help open up difficult conversations too - asking the question during a drive, while you’re walking or even over the dishes can actually help things flow.
Twenty Questions
When we’re struggling with our mental health, knowing how to exactly describe that or put it into words can be difficult. Keep this in mind when you’re asking someone if they’re okay or wanting to check in on how they’re doing mentally - keeping questions broad and open can help ease someone into talking and explore things on their terms. “Can you tell me more about it?”, is a great one. Or try “what feels like it’s been different?” Staying broad and avoiding diving right into direct or specific questions can let the conversation start and flow at the pace someone’s ready for, rather than feeling pressure to know all the answers right away.
Next Steps
Something I hear a lot is how hard it is to talk and check in on someone if they might not yet be up for talking. While it’s hard, it’s helpful to know that just letting that person know you’re here and even asking the question has been shown to help and lead to better outcomes later on. If it’s not quite the right time, or they’re not quite ready, let them know that’s okay, you’re here and that you’ll ask/check in again in a few days or next week. As always, if you’re significantly worried about someone or there’s any hint of potential risk it’s really vital to seek further help though. Contacting further friends and family as supports, calling a helpline (like Lifeline on 13 11 14) to ask for advice or (if things are really acute) even reaching out to emergency services are all always okay if they’re felt needed.