If you’re always feeling “wired but tired” you might be a Bedtime Battler – someone who constantly operates in a state of ‘on’—navigating endless to-do lists, competing commitments, and the relentless demands of daily life.
When we rarely take the time to switch off, our sympathetic nervous system—the body’s fight-or-flight response—stays in overdrive. Leaving us perpetually ready for action but never quite recharging. This stress and sleep imbalance can make it difficult to unwind and contributes to restless nights, as our bodies and minds struggle to shift from stress to rest.
So, how can you find balance and leave the battle behind?
Turning off the ‘Always On’ Mind
This Go Mode (fight-or-flight response) - is just one half of your autonomic nervous system. The other half is your Slow Mode (rest-and-digest response). Go Mode prepares you for action, boosting alertness and energy to tackle tasks or respond to stress, while the Slow Mode calms you down, helping you relax, and recharge.
Both are essential, working together to handle stress and sleep and then return to a calm state. But in our fast-paced lives, Go Mode often dominates, keeping us in a constant state of alertness that leaves little room for recovery. When Go Mode overwhelms Slow Mode, it’s like being stuck on one side of the seesaw, making it harder to relax, unwind, and achieve restful sleep.
Being in a constant state of ‘always on’ can cause three main challenges for sleep:
- Mental spillover - Without essential pauses throughout the day, our thoughts and ideas, worries and anxieties linger unresolved. When night falls and our mind’s ‘stage’ is finally empty, they flood in, keeping us wide awake.
- Weakened rest response - The Slow Mode weakens when the Go Mode dominates. You can think of it like a muscle – “you lose it if you don’t use it”. So, when we finally try to switch gears for sleep, activating the Slow Mode feels nearly impossible.
- Barrier to sleep - Heightened alertness disrupts the sleep process. Elevated cortisol levels keep the brain on high alert, dampening the body’s natural mechanisms for sleep which makes it difficult to wind down, even when we’re exhausted
Finding ways to activate the Slow Mode—by reducing stressors, switching off in daylight hours, and practicing relaxation—helps restore balance, ensuring better sleep. By practicing these techniques consistently, you’ll improve your sleep routine.
Reduce Stressors Where Possible
Take a close look at the sources of your stress. Are there areas where you can set boundaries, delegate tasks, or set specific times to deal with high-pressure issues?
Even small adjustments, like designating tech-free times in your day and at night or turning off phone notifications, can help, as each notification is a cue to activate your Go Mode and disrupt your sleep routine.
Switching Off in Daylight Hours
Short breaks throughout the day help to regulate your stress response and give space for thoughts and worries to surface well before bedtime. This can reduce mental spillover and improve your ability to turn off and fall asleep.
A 5-minute breathing exercise, eating your lunch away from your desk, a short walk outdoors, or even some light stretching can help activate your Slow Mode. By balancing this system during daylight hours, it becomes easier to wind down at night and improve your sleep drive.
Flex the Slow Mode
Look for enjoyable ways to engage your Slow Mode more often. In the evening, especially in the hour before sleep, focus on Slow Mode activities. Gentle stretching, slow breathing, a calming book/tv show or movie, or a warm bath or shower are excellent ways to flex the Slow Mode and cue your body to shift into sleep.
Creating a wind-down ritual or having a bedtime menu of relaxing options can help you unwind and improve your sleep routine.
Learn What Makes You Sleep
Many Bedtime Battlers are unsure of where to start when it comes to creating the best conditions for a good night sleep. By understanding light exposure, sleep drive, and your personal sleep needs, you can optimise your environment and routines for better rest.
Harness the Power of Light
Exposure to natural light, particularly in the morning, is key to regulating your circadian rhythm, which dictates when your body should feel alert and when it should prepare for rest. Aim for at least 15–20 minutes of morning sunlight exposure before 10am, this resets your bodyclock and sets a timer for the release of melatonin in the evening. As the sun sets, turn off non-essential lights and instead use dimmer switches and floor lamps to allow melatonin to rise naturally, supporting a calm, easy transition to sleep.
Build Up Your Sleep Drive
Sleep drive is the natural pressure for sleep that builds up over the day, leading to a natural feeling of sleepiness at night. To keep your sleep drive strong, limit caffeine intake after midday and avoid long naps in the afternoon. These can lower your sleep drive, making it harder to feel genuinely tired at bedtime. Instead, let your sleep drive rise naturally which will set you up for a better sleep.
Know Your Sleep Need
It’s essential to understand your personal sleep needs, including both the duration and timing that works best for you. Most adults need between 7–9 hours, but the timing of your sleep can also impact how well-rested you feel. Aim to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, as a consistent sleep routine strengthens your body’s internal clock, making it easier to fall asleep and wake up feeling refreshed. Tracking your sleep for a few weeks can help you identify your optimal bedtime and wake-up time.
What’s Under the Hood?
Sometimes, underlying sleep disorders can be the hidden cause behind restless nights for Bedtime Battlers. Recognising symptoms and seeking treatment can be a game-changer for achieving quality sleep.
Insomnia – Recognise the Symptoms
If you frequently have difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or wake up too early, you may be dealing with insomnia. Symptoms that persist for 3 or more nights for 3 or more months and affect your daily life can indicate chronic insomnia, and seeking help may be beneficial. Cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) is the gold standard for insomnia treatment which focuses on changing behaviours and thought patterns related to sleep.
Sleep Apnea - Know the Warning Signs
Loud snoring, waking up gasping for air, and excessive daytime sleepiness can all be symptoms of sleep apnea, a condition where breathing repeatedly stops and starts during sleep. Sleep apnea can affect more than just your next day performance, its associated with significant medical conditions. The good news is that there’s a wide range of treatments available.
Diagnosis and Treatment are Key
If you suspect a sleep disorder, consult your GP and discuss a sleep study (polysomnogram) and referral to a medical sleep specialist. Diagnosing and managing sleep disorders is crucial to preventing long-term impacts on physical and mental health. By addressing underlying issues, you can experience improvements in energy, focus, and overall well-being, making sleep a source of strength rather than struggle.
Incorporating small adjustments to reduce stress, build a reliable sleep routine, and address potential sleep disorders can make a world of difference. Consistency is essential. Whether it’s a structured wind-down routine, morning exposure to sunlight, or sticking to the same wake-up time, each of these efforts supports your body’s internal rhythms and sleep drive.
Making these changes will guide you from battling bedtime to truly embracing it, allowing you to greet each day feeling at your best.